I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
