I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
