i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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