Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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