ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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