at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
