Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
