Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize