I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
