do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
