I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
