apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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