Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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