Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a hot homeless man
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
