If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
