$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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