Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
