Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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