Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
