I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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