Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
