yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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