well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
