Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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