U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize