She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
