I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
