note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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