btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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