so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize
