Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize