You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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