Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
