Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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