Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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