The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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