Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
