That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
