i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
