So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
