Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
