Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
