who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
