I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
