I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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