Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
