You're my little dorito
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
