just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
