My balls are so social today.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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