you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
