you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
