Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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