Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
