uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
