highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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