it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
