good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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