Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize