i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
