I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I look better un-naked...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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