I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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