why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
