He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize