I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
