I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
