5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize