i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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