If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Randomize
