My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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