Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
