We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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