I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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