I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
