she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
