tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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