I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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